


deadly like a gun.

by projectfreelancer



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: M/M, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-10-05 16:52:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10312790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/projectfreelancer/pseuds/projectfreelancer
Summary: washington wants to find redemption in tucker.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i'm obsessed with unrequited tuckington from wash's pov with implied unrequited church/tucker, and wash absolutely hating epsilon. also with wash trying to find any sort of hope in tucker.
> 
> title from The Drugs by Mother Mother

There is something dangerous about Tucker. How he claws for memories of Epsilon, of the  _ one  _ thing Wash cannot redeem himself from (and Epsilon’s deadecho screams in his mind, tells him,  _ disgusting,  _ and shatters just as quickly. It’s been years, Wash knows it’s been  _ years,  _ but Epsilon’s voice is fresh in his mind.)

There is something deadly about your redemption begging for resolution in what killed you.

Wash knows, deep down, somewhere under burnt copper blood, that Tucker deserves better than for Wash to search for salvation in him. But —

Wash watches him train, eyes unwavering. Tucker spouts insults, complaints, crybaby whines the entire time, but nothing can falter Wash’s fascination. These soldiers, Wash knows, are capable of more. Wash had never felt envious of the role of a leader, but now that he’s placed on the pedestal, he will do what needs to be done. Wash is capable of making them all into something  _ bigger _ , and he knows Tucker is the best of them.

There is gold inside Tucker, and Wash knows it well. And if he tears, claws fierce, feral, then he will get to see the liquid underneath. If Wash just pushes — pushes — _ pushes _ _ — _

Tucker rings like an unbroken promise, guts not stuffed full with regret, and Wash aches with want. Wash wants to open himself up to Tucker, to say,  _ you can love me more than him.  _

 

But —

 

“But he’s gone now, and all I have is you!”   
  
There’s a gunshot in Wash’s mind, there is blood on his hands, there’s Epsilon sobbing, there’s Carolina descending over the cliff, there’s a crescendo as the Mother of Invention crashes into the snow, and nothing can hurt more than what Tucker says.

Wash is stunned pathetic, can only muster, “What?” The Counselor would rip apart the desperation in his voice,  _ Weakness is a vice. If you are weak, they will kill you. _

Shivers wrack Wash’s body underneath the sun’s heat. Tucker is deadly because he makes Wash  _ weak,  _ vulnerable, walls built up cracking down for him. Wash is better as a burntcrisp of a man; a soldier; a man following orders; deadboy walking with a deadbeating heart. But Tucker exists, and Wash crumbles. Silent Wash whispering,  _ Let me believe in you. Just restore my faith. Prove I can still grow hope. _

The finger on the gun trigger isn’t Wash’s; it’s Epsilon, and —

(But  **he’s** gone now.)

Wash can feel the lingering ghost of Epsilon, can feel the empty heart Tucker has without him. Epsilon bruised and bloodied Wash’s mind, but he tore out Tucker’s heart. And Wash wants nothing more than to never remember the voice that haunts his mind, but Tucker pleads for the voice to come back. Wash itches to say,  _ it’s just dependancy, he ruined your life, he ruined everyone’s life, he’s made from a monster, he killed me, he doesn’t even want you. _

(And all I have is  **you** .)

Wash will never be what Tucker needs. Not ghostblue, not the shade of the armour he wears — and he  _ burns  _ for black&yellow — not memories, not chasing shadows, not bones of a monster. Tucker wants his best friend, and Wash is only an inconvenience to be dealt with. There is no hope for more, there is no hope for Wash, no hope for Tucker embracing him, for Tucker to forgive his sins, for Wash to get on his knees and find rebirth in him, and there is no hope for either of them if they chase ghosts of what they crave.

  
Wash hears a gunshot in his mind, and he wishes there was silence afterwards.


End file.
